Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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