# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
