Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
