I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
