We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
