yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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