I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
