i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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