I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
