I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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