I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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