what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
