I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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