This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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