The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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