I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
