last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
