this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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