we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
