All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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