My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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