So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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