YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
