I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
