Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
