At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
