So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
