took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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