matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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