dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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