do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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