so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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