You smell like stripper and shame
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
