when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
