peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
