oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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