guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
