Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
