Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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