gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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