You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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