I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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