Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
