please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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