It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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