I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
