I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
