Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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