I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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