i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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