I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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