Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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