My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
