Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
