He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
