you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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