nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My nipple is on Facebook.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
