On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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