happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
