Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
