I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
