Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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