Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
