she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He felt like a one man threesome
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
