Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
