Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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