two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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