i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
