Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
