and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
