I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
