I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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