so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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