So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
