She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
