Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
