In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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