Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
worst night to have a conscience
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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