How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
