Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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