I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
