Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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